Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
