trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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