the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
