I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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