so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize