ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
