I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
