Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
