I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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