I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
