its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
