New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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