Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
