Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
