I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
