I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
