its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
