every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
