i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
