Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
