i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
