yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
