the condom got lost in my hair
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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