i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
