so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
