i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
