so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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