her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
