I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
