I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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