They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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