i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
