I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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