There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
