my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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