Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
