Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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