I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
