Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
