Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
