upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
