Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
