You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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