remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
