have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You dont lie about slip and slides
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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