I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Found your dick twin last night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
