I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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