Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize