next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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