I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
