you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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