i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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