I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
