Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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