im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
