It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
This toilet bowl is my home.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
