If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
