and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
