so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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