didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
