my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
