Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
