I think I died a long time ago.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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