Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
