Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
