he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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