my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
