this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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