Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
