just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
