He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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