just tell him i said nine months
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
