I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
