I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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