I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
