I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
